Monday, January 18, 2010

R & R Break

Last night I took out an old (1967) issue of The Objectivist, looking for a quote I needed, and two pieces of paper fluttered out. One was a poem I must have written as an undergraduate, under heavy influence of German expressionism. I'll spare you that (though I don't think it's as bad as it sounds), but the other item seems worth quoting.

Like the poem, I have no memory of it whatsoever. It is a neatly typed copy of a letter. As it ends with a typed name and no signature, it is obviously not the original copy, if there ever was such a thing. A demon is prompting me to hope it is genuine, but I am ignoring it. Here, without further comment, is the letter:

Feb. 29, 1969

Dear Mr. Hayes,

I wish to thank you very much for the radio you donated to the Gold Star Mothers Benefit on October 15th.
I happened to be the lucky winner and am especially pleased because although I am 82 years old, I have never had a radio of my own.
The woman who has a room next to me (her name is Matilda) has had a radio for 5 years and she is only 75 years old.
In the evenings two nights a week I used to listen to her radio but now she got mad at me and wouldn't let me listen anymore.
Two days ago her radio fell off the table and broke to peices and she came to my room and asked if she could listen to my radio. I want you to know Mr. Hayes because of your generous gift I was able to tell her to go f*ck herself.

Sincerely yours,

Theresa Uphers


Todd said...

I think the last name "Uphers" (as in "up hers") might be the give away.

might be the

Lester Hunt said...

Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, I suspect you are right. I can't seem to find anyone on the internet with that surname. And the only use of the character-string "Theresa Uphers" that Google can find is this particular blog post.

Ann said...

Wow, that is priceless!

Todd said...

Plus I don't believe there was a 2/29/69

Lester Hunt said...

OMG, that would have been Leap Day. I just looked it up, and 1968 was a leap year, so you are right about 69. Boy, nothing gets past you!