"Red Eye" Turns Three

Greetings truth-seekers! "Red Eye" turned three years old yesterday. It's the edgiest, most radical news and views show on TV. In its early days I thought of it as "that show where everybody seems to be gay, even though it's on Fox."

Now I see it for what it is: Like "Clash of the Titans," if by "Titans" you mean "crazed maniacs." There's conservative Greg Guttfeld. If trenchant commentary were three hundred bucks, I'd blow him in Disneyland. Then there's libertarian Andy Levy. He's so bright I'm starting to think of those annoying halogen headlights as andylevylights. And liberal Bill Schulz. In the Andaman Islands he is thought to be a mollusk. He's also the wittiest of the three, I think.

The only problem with the show, other than its many lapses from good taste, is its time slot. As if to protect us, Fox airs it at 3:00 am eastern. But they are easily foiled with the help of a programmable recording device. Long may Red Eye prosper!